Wanted: A Really Good Job

I'm in the position to accept employment at the moment. Potential employers must meet the following requirements: #1. No idiots. Especially those who constantly ask me "what's wrong with this picture", knowing any answer I give is the wrong one. #2. No job where I have to deal with middle-management. We all know they're power-tripping fascists who didn't have enough ambition to climb even higher on the corporate ladder. And worse yet, they all act like #1. #3. As little possible face time with the customer as possible. The lesser, the better. And no, they're not really "guests". If they were, you wouldn't be charging them to "shop" there, would you? #4. If you're going to interview me, don't ask my why I'm leaving my last job/applying for work here, because I'm going to get "cute". I'd say something like, "If I wanted to stay there, I wouldn't be here, moron!" Or, "I was busted for smoking weed on the job. And not sharing." Or, my personal favorite, "So I can make you jerk-squirts pay for an expensive drug test, just to quit the minute I clock in." My qualifications: -Lounging around on the company dime; clogging toilets if my ire is aroused; passing silent, but deadly farts and scooting away as stealthy as possible. You want to hire me, send me an email. "What's my email?" Can you tell me what's wrong with you not knowing my email? Ciao. 4 November 2021 Update: I had to edit out the word 'retard' and replace it with 'idiots' because I've grown to realize that it is offensive. It may have seemed funny to 27-year old me in 2008, but I'd like to think that I'm not as bad and narrow-minded as I used to be. Sometimes you just gotta go back and try to make things right, or at least not so wrong. Such is life.